So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
