I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
