Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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