you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
