He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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