i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I will pee on everything he values.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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