I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
