Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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