carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
