Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you would pick up someone in the library
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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