Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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