**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
