he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
