shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
