remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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