I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
