I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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