oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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