woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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