I will die if light touches me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
