dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think your dad took our porno
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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