a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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