If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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