i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
