Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
