Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
