her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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