stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
