He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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