I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
