dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
