I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
