I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
