A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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