so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
