I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
