You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
