do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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