I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
