Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
