We won't sleep together?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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