we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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