I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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