im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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