so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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