i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
