you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
