Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
