i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
