Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
