there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
