God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
